Happy

I spent an hour crocheting today and I felt happy while doing it.  Crochet makes me happy and I'm glad I can do it.  I have plenty of time to crochet and I'm going to practice so I can make a living doing it.  I'm going to start by selling blankets on Craigslist and then maybe Etsy.  I need a good camera, though, so I'm going to hold off on Etsy until I get a good camera.

But crochet....it makes me happy.  I love to use my hands to created things and I was able to create some crochet today.  I'm going to work on my blanket a little bit more.

I'm glad I found something that made me happy because I suffer from depression.  Crochet makes me happy and I'm going to be doing it more and more and everyday.

Results

Like I said in my last post I was going to try a mindful crochet experiment:  I was going to put all my hurt and frustrations into the crochet and watch it unravel.  I did and I found it a good experience.  It was nice to "let go" of everything, of all my pain and hurts and etc. and just watch it unfold.  I'm going to try it again.

I also got some more yarn and am thinking of making a blanket.  I don't have a lot of room here in the group home or money for yarn so I don't know what to do.  I'll figure it out though.

Results

Like I said in my previous post "Mindful Crochet" I said I was going to write how my mindful crochet went.  At first I did single crochet and I'm not very good at single crochet so it was frustrating.  I do it too tight since I'm still a beginner and it wasn't very enjoyable.  Then I started to do double crochet and got into it.  I got into a nice rhythm and did that for a little while.

Then I did the unraveling.  It was actually a good experience, to watch the crochet unravel.  I felt like I was letting go, letting go of everything.  I'm going to try putting all of my hurt and frustrations into the crochet I make and then just let it go and see how that works.  I'll post how this goes next time.

Mindful Crochet

I've decided to practice mindful crochet.  I'm going to spend hours crocheting each day and then at the end of the day unravel it and use that same yarn for tomorrow.  This practice is both practical and spiritual.  For one, I don't have an endless supply of yarn to go through.  I like to use my hands to do things, which is why I like crochet, but I live in a group home for disabled adults and don't have the money or resources to have an endless supply of yarn.  So, I've decided to work for a day and then unravel it and do it again the next day.  This also allows me to practice crochet since I'm still a beginner.

This practice led me to think that perhaps this practice could be a type of mindful crochet.  I have read about mindful crochet before and how knitting and crochet can help improve the mind.  The focus has been mostly on knitting but I think the knitting can also be applied to crochet since they are similar.  Everyday I can practice mindfulness, not only while crochet but also in the art of letting go:  I can let go of my work and end the day and then prepare for the next day.  I think this is a good way to practice the art of letting go, a good way to practice mindfulness and a way to keep myself and my hands busy.

I am going to start the practice tomorrow.  I unraveled my work from the first post and am going to let you know how it goes tomorrow and if it is a good mindful practice.  Of course, I won't know in a day but I'll give you some impressions.  It is also a good way to practice and not have to spend a lot of money on yarn.  I have two balls of yarn I can use and hopefully that will keep me occupied for about eight hours or so.  I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm going to start with single crochet and then do double and triple and etc.  I'm also going to get into making crochet mandala and then unravel those at the end of the day, too.  I think this will be a wise mindful practice and I can't wait to begin tomorrow!

Disability

I haven't been crocheting much because 1)  my hands have been hurting and 2)  I have been having trouble with coordinating my hands.  If you read my first post you probably wouldn't know it but I am severely disabled. I have mobility issues (supposed to be in a wheelchair), live in a group home for disabled adults, have a traumatic brain injury and heart problems.  I don't know how much life I have left and I try to enjoy each day.

I tried doing some exercises to help with hand pain but my hands have just been hurting!  They feel, well, ouch, and even typing this is hard (maybe I need to get a voice recognition typing thing).  I am going to try crocheting again tomorrow and am going to do some hand exercises tonight and tomorrow morning to help with the pain.  I've done a little bit more on my Granny square future blanket but not much because my hands have been hurting.

Speaking of disability, I admire severely disabled people like myself, up in Washington, advocating for disabled rights.  Disabled people speak frequently of "inspiration porn" and how they are praised for just being disabled and living (such as, wow!  she has a job and she is disabled!  how inspiring!)  I hate inspiration porn.  I am just a severely disabled person trying to live her life like everyone else.  I think it is okay, though, from one severely disabled person to the next to admire what one chooses to do with his or her life.  Being an advocate is a noble cause and one that takes bravery.  I'm not sure I am cut out for it in Washington D.C. but maybe I could do it online.  I have a lot of cognitive problems that prevent me from speaking well and being social with people but I do okay online and with typing (when my hands aren't hurting!)

Crocheting with hurting hands is hard.  I may have to rethink my dream of doing crochet for a living.  I'm going to try, though, and just take it one step at a time.  I think, though, that I am going to write more about disability because I find it is a good way to advocate and I admire other disabled people who advocate for themselves online and off and write about it online.  Many of these people have college degrees and are quite intelligent.  I would like to one day earn a college degree....I was thinking a BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) in Fiber Art from the Savannah College of Art and Design or the Maryland Institute College of Art would be cool.  But, I don't know if that will ever happen because I have trouble both with change and with doing the same thing over and over again because of my traumatic brain injuries.

First Post and Today's Work

My name is Stephanie and my dream is to do crochet for a living.  I am inspired by blogs about painting, where an artist will post a painting, sometimes one a day even, and then continue to do it for years (I've seen some blogs do it for over ten years!).  I love to see the progress an artist makes in their work and I would like to do that with my crochet.  Right now, I am a beginning crocheter.  I learned crochet at 15, so I learned it 15 years ago, but I haven't been doing it continuously.

I love crochet because I love to use my hands.  I was searching, searching for something where I could use my hands and I found it in crochet.  I think I chose crochet for a number of reasons.  For one, I already knew how to do some simple stuff.  For two, I love yarn, especially the colors and the texture and I wanted to do something with yarn.  I am part Native American and considered doing weaving but I really love the yarn used in crochet over the yarn used in weaving.  Crochet yarn is thicker and softer and has more texture.  Plus. it is more readily availble:  all I have to do is go to the local arts and crafts store to find some yarn.  Not so for weaving yarn.  I also chose crochet over knitting because, once again, I was already familiar with crochet.  Plus, I love the holes you can create with crochet.  I like basket weaving and crochet reminds me a little bit of basket weaving.  I'm into basket weaving, like regular weaving, because I am part Native American and crochet, with it's beautiful holes, reminds me of baskets.  I think one of the beauties of crochet is the holes you can create holes with it so I am not a fan of Tunsian crochet or anything without holes.  I am happy to say I found a beautiful and creative way to use my hands and hopefully one day make a living with crochet.

This is what I did today.  It isn't much, I know.  My hands got tired because I am still a beginner.  I read about some hand stretching and exercies crochet artisans can do, though, and hopefully that will help.  I didn't do that much and my hands are tired from typing this. 

I just love the Granny square.  I love the holes it creates.  I did it with a K needle.  I like to work with large needles and create holes.  I feel that this is something unique about crochet that you can't do with weaving or do well with knitting.  I am learning more and more about crochet everday and now since I have the internet I would like to learn more patterns and create more pieces.  Everday is a process!